*Yes, this is a picture of my bedroom wall at 15…
I love the power that lies in the words of a song. To evoke a feeling, a memory. To be taken back a millions years to a time long ago, when your body was different and your thoughts were the same. The stories we tell ourselves about songs that define a period in our lives.
Most recently the words to one of my teenage anthems came back to haunt me. I had always resonated with Matchbox 20’s “PUSH”, it was the song of my first love (yes, I am a 90’s rock geek!!) That song was one I laughed and cried to. One that felt like it held my heart in its words. Little did I realise those words I listened to so often as a teen had continued as a part of my adult identity.
It was during a Kinesiology session that it came to me. The gap I had with my worth, my enough-ness. I could tie back to the words I used to sing at the top of my lungs – words that still often run through my ears “I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough” and “I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved” well you may know the rest… Just so we are clear, I don’t blame the boys from MB20 for the gap in my psyche, the lack of the self love bug, but I do see, how every time my mean girl wanted to re-affirm this thought in my head, this song helped her do it. But man, I still love it. (that little 90’s rock geek lives on!)
Because it takes me back! It manifests memories.
So that song, I recently decided to detach from (15 years later, I think that is probably a very good idea!) When I choose to listen to it again, I will do so with joy and a sneaky smile to myself that these words no longer define me.
As a 30 year old woman, I hold that 15 year old girl in my heart and I tell her with a whisper that she is, most certainly enough.
Much love, em x