Courage

Lessons in Grief : 5 Things She has Taught Me : The Story So Far

Grief

 

When I started this blog, I wanted to share my heart and soul, my big goal was to be real. To show the real beauty, pain and crap that life can be. Not all sunshine and roses, not all dark and stormy nights but the real deal. The gentle balance that exists within each of us, the battles and the triumphs, the love and the hate and I think for the most part I have done that. I wanted you to feel what I feel and know that you aren’t alone. In the interests of transparency and love I feel it is time to uncover a little of my grief process. For those new to the blog, I lost my darling Dad a few short months ago and not a day goes by where I don’t think of him.

 

In the beginning, it was most certainly painful, yet in some weird kinda way it was also peaceful. He had been in a lot of pain and fought a bloody good fight, so knowing that the pain was no longer his was actually really beautiful, the pain was now ours. So I cried, I withdrew from life a little and I started, well I thought I had started to grieve.

 

The truth was my grief started long before he left the earth but this past week, for some reason has been really, really hard. Which feels really, really strange because everything else this past month has been truly beautiful. There have been picnics with friends, long chats with my Mumma, time spent with family, pool dates with my niece and nephew, ocean swims, love and lots and lots of sunshine. Yet every day last week, when I thought of him I cried. As the tears streamed down my face I think my heart truly finally realised that he will never again hear my voice as I update him on my life, that we will never create another memory together.

 

There was nothing left unsaid when he died, I made sure that he knew who I was, how much I loved him and how proud I was to be his daughter. I guess I just wish he was here to hear the stories that are to come, the love, the heartbreaks, the babies and all the random bits that will make up the rest of my life. We spent some amazing time together this year, some really ordinary moments that for me have created extraordinary memories, just sitting about, chatting and laughing and sometimes, more often than not, doing nothing at all.

 


 

There are so many things in the last few months that have caught me by surprise, so many new lessons learnt. I would love to share a few things, I have no doubt the list will grow but so far, here goes;

 

THE SUPPORT MAY NOT COME FROM WHERE YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD

I can’t tell you how surprised I was by the kindness of almost strangers. People who had known me in the past, people from school and in some cases people I had only just met provided the most heart warming support. I am not sure why this was the case, but I have trouble putting into words how grateful I am to these kind, kind souls. They made me feel so loved and held. Support may not always look as you thought it would, but know that the support you need will present itself, sometimes in the most amazing ways.

 

IT TAKES A WHILE TO ACTUALLY SEEM REAL

I still sometimes can’t quite believe it.

 

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

It is moments like going to pick up the phone to let him know I am home safely and suddenly remembering I can’t, that are the killers. The simple, little things you totally take for granted. I am sure big events like birthdays and Christmas are going to be tough, but it is the sneakiness of the little moments that catch me and quite often bring me to uncontrollable tears.

 

I AM STRONGER THAN I EVER IMAGINED

If I can be completely honest, it’s a bloody hard journey!

This is my first dance with losing a loved one, I am super lucky to still have all four grandparents, my dealings with grief in the past have been with the death of a relationship and even then I have been lucky enough to still have these special souls in my life in one way or another. So I was petrified as to how I would cope. I did lots of preparation (I know that sounds creepy but it really did help) not directly with losing him but on myself. I took steps to ensure I had found my centre and that I was as balanced as I could be when the time came. I did this using many techniques, which could be another blog post in itself! So leave that with me! I am on it. Back to strength, I am a whole lot stronger than I ever imagined and as this journey unfolds  I continue to surprise myself. It’s hard and it’s sad and at times it’s lonely, but I am here and I need to honour him by continuing to live.

 

LIFE GOES ON

And he wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

 


 

 

Thanks again beautiful tribe for letting me share my stuff, allowing me to be myself and tell my story. I would love to hear from you if you if you want to share something grief has taught you, either in the comments below or if you like, send me an email.

 

Much love, em x

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17 Comments

  • Reply
    Melissa Sandon
    November 18, 2014 at 6:13 am

    Honouring the beauty of your real and heart-felt truth Em. So glad that you made the commitment to be real on your blog. Your heart is so full, even in the journey of grief you are a shining light. Love x

    • Reply
      Emma
      November 19, 2014 at 1:41 am

      Thanks Beautiful, I have some amazing teachers that help me illuminate the way! (and yes, you are one of those precious souls!) x

  • Reply
    Liz
    November 18, 2014 at 6:24 am

    Oh Emma! This was such a beautiful, heartfelt, touching piece. Tears over here at present. My heart goes out to you and I’m sending you a big internet hug and will give you a big real one when I see you soon. The loss of a loved one is something we may never fully get over, but I find it a small comfort knowing that we have memories of wonderful times shared together – often it is those small, “insignificant” moments that come back to us and mean the most and make us smile when things are feeling dark. What a blessing to have had such a special man in your life. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story and your wisdom. You are beautiful, wonderful woman. xoxo

    • Reply
      Emma
      November 19, 2014 at 1:42 am

      Thanks Liz, those moments certainly feel like the most important. The ones where we were present without even knowing it. Looking forward to that hug! x

  • Reply
    Naomi Arnold
    November 18, 2014 at 8:55 am

    Oh Emma, I’m bawling right here. Thank you so much for opening your heart and sharing this with us. I have personally found it so very helpful and inspiring on my own journey – and know that many others will be touched by it also. Big virtual hugs to you beautiful xo.

    • Reply
      Emma
      November 19, 2014 at 1:46 am

      Thanks Naomi, the journey is certainly not easy, so happy that expressing it may be of help to others. The funny thing is that being vulnerable, opening up and sharing my experience has made such a difference to how I feel it is unfolding. My strength feels like it comes from my vulnerability! Such an eye opening journey. Sending you love on yours x

  • Reply
    Cass
    November 18, 2014 at 8:58 am

    There is no time for grieving to end, nothing right, nothing wrong. You will grieve for those you lose for the rest of your life and it WILL hurt. But, it is this that forms who we are, the tough times along with the good times are all part of the crazy, stupid thing we call life. It’s all part of this amazing journey and Em, you are certainly doing a great job of living!
    I think everyone can take something from your musings and we all thank you for sharing.
    …and when it just gets a little too much, there’s nothing that vino and a good chat/cry/laugh won’t solve! You know where to find us
    xx

    • Reply
      Emma
      November 19, 2014 at 1:47 am

      thanks Cass xx

  • Reply
    Renee
    November 19, 2014 at 2:48 am

    Oh Em, so beautifully written. It is such a pleasure to hear your raw heart, in happiness and sadness. Lotsa love to u sista xx

    • Reply
      Emma
      December 11, 2014 at 10:09 pm

      Thanks beautiful girl xx

  • Reply
    Ainslie
    November 20, 2014 at 2:11 am

    I don’t have words. I just wanted to tell you that I know that you’ve honoured his death and your grief in a way that is beautiful. x

    • Reply
      Emma
      December 11, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      Thanks Ainslie, that means so much to me x

  • Reply
    Chelsea
    November 20, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    Hi Emma, Thankyou for opening your heart and sharing your experiences. I resonated a lot with your story and found myself remembering back to when I lost my Dad 6 years ago. I noticed that the support came from so many unexpected places as well. Almost strangers, to people I hadn’t seen in years. When someone has been through their own grief and particularly loss of a parent, it is impossible not to reach out and show support. Grief is a journey. The waves of sadness will come and go but I hope you also have some beautiful memories to last a lifetime. If you ever need someone to talk to I would love to connect. Much love and healing light to you. Chelsea xxx

    • Reply
      Emma
      December 11, 2014 at 10:13 pm

      Thanks Chelsea, I would love to connect with you. You are so right though, I have just had a girl I went to school with lose her Mum and all I wanted to do was reach out to her to show her that same support I had received, to show her that she was not alone. Big love honey x

  • Reply
    Chloe
    November 22, 2014 at 1:28 am

    This post was amazing and I am lost for words so I will keep it simple: so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

    • Reply
      Emma
      December 11, 2014 at 10:15 pm

      Thanks Chloe, you are so very welcome, thanks for being here to share in my story x

  • Reply
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